Manipulation in teen dating relationships

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Of course, just as the adolescent first learned the power of emotional extortion in childhood, so did you.Therefore, as parents do not resort to this manipulation with your teenager."All right, just this once, you can have it (or do it), since it matters so much to you. "Now the child brightens up, and learns how there is persuasive power in the strong expression of emotion, particularly unhappiness. In fact, one psychologist, John Narciso (see his book "Declare Yourself," 1975) called this category of behaviors "get my way techniques." Another psychologist, Susan Forward, wrote a book about this emotional manipulation ("Emotional Blackmail," 1997.) In one of my early books, "Keys to Single Parenting" (1996) I called it "emotional extortion." In counseling, I still call it by that name.

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Powerless when refused what they want by a parent, they may signify displeasure by communicating disappointment, hurt, or outrage.

Consider a few of the forms emotional extortion can take.

If a parent is sensitive to approval, then the teenager will express LOVE through appreciation, affection, or pleasing to soften the mother or father up.

This emotional extortion works when the parent feels, "I can't stand the loneliness when my child acts like there's no caring for our relationship."If a parent is sensitive to intimidation, the teenager may express EXPLOSIVENESS, loudly talking or acting like he's going to lose physical control and threaten harm to soften the mother or father up.

This emotional extortion works when the parent feels, "I can't stand being frightened of getting hurt."To discourage these manipulations, parents must refuse to play along with the extortion.

Teen abusers try to manipulate their dating partners by making all the decisions, putting them down in front of friends, threatening to kill themselves, stalking them, or forcing them to have sex.

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