When he later cut me down and accused me of not being that perfect Madonna, I did all I could to prove I was worthy of his love. If I could show him I was still that special one, then perhaps that was all he needed to change and I could fix things. If you’re dating after abuse, don’t project onto someone else who you hope they’ll be in the future. The same is true for when you meet someone who is good for you, like I did with the man I am married to now. Not just sitting back and observing the man he was showing himself to be. I’m engaging with many victims and survivors of domestic abuse online. And to learn how to fill that void of vulnerability. Only once I built my self-esteem would I attract a man who would treat me as worthy. I want to share this as I know there are many others for whom this might help. I only saw what I wanted to see and denied the rest. So, I didn’t have huge faith in my instincts or my judgement. In them he calls her his ‘baby girl’ and his ‘princess’. Many are dating after abuse and are like I once was, terrified of doing so. They’re unsure if they can trust their judgement and scared of another abusive relationship. One woman started dating after abuse and posted some text messages from a guy she has recently met online. I was projecting onto him my fears that he was another abusive man. I was trying to end it before he left me, which I was convinced was going to happen.
She feared, as she hardly knew him, that this might be a red flag.
It is possible to break the cycle and find a healthy long-term relationship after an abusive one. When dating after abuse, stay still and read the signs.
Both showed me respect and treated me as worthy, not worthless.
The further down the road you go with a narcissist, the harder it is to get away from them.
Trust me, it’s better to walk away sooner, rather than later.
I don't remember being taught in high school, or even college, why my ex-boyfriend sometimes got too drunk and hit me. For those of us who have felt the hand of someone who we thought loved us touch us not so lovingly, we are changed. I'm a victim of domestic violence; your promises may not register with me. If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.